Someone at the valley of decision...help needed!

Judith, (26) works at the Treasury Department of A Finance House. A few months ago, she could not visit her boyfriend Henry, a Banker, for a whole week because another girl was visiting. Her story:
I did not feel comfortable somehow, I felt quiet uneasy, so instead of waiting for him like I would have done, I locked up, put the key back under the door mat and went home. Funny enough, I didn’t leave any of the things (food) I had packed from my Aunty’s party. I mean, it was just unlike me.
Early the next morning, Henry came over to my pace looking quiet uneasy. He was on his annual leave, so, I wasn’t surprised to see him. But when he sat me down and said he had something important to tell me, I knew something was wrong.
He began telling me how wonderful our relationship had been since we started seven months ago. He said he had been happy because its been having positive effects on him.
My heart started to beat faster than normal. I thought he was going to propose to me. I wouldn’t have been surprised since we virtually live in each other homes. Then he told me “she has come”.
I didn’t need to ask whom, because I already knew. It was Shade, his girlfriend who lives in Kano. I have seen some letters written by her and, of course, he’d told me about her too. He said she just burst in on him and he met her at home, when he came back around 7.30pm the previous night.
He pleaded that I bear with him so he could handle the matter in his own way. That he would not want to end their relationship on a bad note for future purposes. He said Shade will be staying over for a week and in the period, I was to keep away from the flat.
I was really pissed off. I asked him what he expected me to do in the meantime. He told me to behave myself and act maturely, after all, we live in Lagos together.
Moreover, Shade knows about me as my things and photographs were all over the apartment. He insisted that he just wanted to settle the matter by himself and didn’t want me involved.
We spent the whole day together. It was a Monday, and he went back home around 10pm So was the pattern of our lives for the next four days. He will come in the morning and pick me, and we will spend the whole day together.
However, he will always go back home to sleep of course, and I will worry myself sick over what they might be doing together in the middle of the night.
Then on Friday morning, he said we were going to the flat. At first, I didn’t want to go, but when he insisted, I gave in. On getting there, I saw Shade’s things packed at a corner in his bedroom but she was no where to be found.
Then he told me that she had not come home for the past two days. According to him, she was visiting her sister and some friends.
We stayed in the house that day and in the evening, I prepared to go back home. That was when I received another shock.
I met Henry’s sister in the living room and she gave me a cold look, then she asked her brother slyly, “wey Shade”? Henry did not answer. I felt cold, insulted and betrayed. I have always been so nice to Gladys that I thought she was my friend.
When I greeted her she didn’t answer me but started scolding me about some clothes I had soaked for washing that Sunday morning before the ordeal began. I had to keep my cool or I would have said something that we might all regret later. When Henry took me home, I couldn’t help it anymore.
I had to tell him my mind and what I felt about his sister’s behaviour. He only continued to plead with me to ignore her, that he would speak to her.
Shade has not come back since then, while I have been searching for evidence to know whether she is still in touch.
All I have found is a letter. When I confronted him with it, he was mad with me. He accused me of trying to look for exhibits to nail him.
He claims he understands my anxiety and apprehensions about the whole thing, but he doesn’t want to do or say anything just to prove a point to me.
He claims he knows what he is doing, and he will do it when he wants to and not under pressure.
I have been trying to keep the episode behind me since then, but then, its not been easy as I keep suspecting him. The only advantage I think I have over Shade is the proximity between Henry and me, otherwise, Shade is probably the choice of his parents and siblings.
They have much in common, having grew up in the same environment and have common friends. The advantage of the proximity here all boils down to sex, which means I could use pregnancy as a bargaining chip. But that is if Henry allows it, or a mistake happens somewhere.
To make matters worse, I just overheard Gladys telling her friend that her brother is just using me for sexual pleasures and will not marry me.

Things To Consider If You Don't Want Divorce

You don't want divorce, but if your relationship is rocky and appears to be headed in that general direction, there are some things to consider, some steps you can take to prevent it. While they may not be completely successful, the tips in this article may help and are certainly worth a try if, truly, you don't want divorce.
If you don't want divorce, but your spouse has made his/her intentions clear, don't argue. Don't nag, don't whine, just remain quiet. Complaining or carrying on about how you don't want divorce is not going to help.
State your case simply, that you don't want divorce, and leave it at that. That's all you can do, really, without making matters worse. It might be possible to tell your partner-in a calm moment, of course-that all couples go through this sort of thing, or that counseling might help, but don't harp in these subjects.
If you go on and on about wanting to stay married, you will only make your partner's desire to get away even stronger. Instead of pushing them away, you can try to remind them why they were attracted to you in the first place, not verbally, but by being attractive and desirable again.
You can be assured, you are not being attractive when you are complaining. Have you ever wondered if nagging and complaining might have had something to do with the erosion of your partner's affection and dedication to your marriage?
You will, in effect, begin to court your partner again, if you don't want divorce. This means being attractive and pleasant all the time. How did you behave when the two of first started dating? Were you kind and thoughtful? That's the kind of conduct everyone is capable of, that's what wins people over. It's when the commitment to each other is made that niceties are relaxed and the anxieties people worked so hard to hide start to come out.
Put your worries and whining back in the closet and get back on your very best behavior.
Another ingredient to add in this mix is being congenial. You don't need to agree with everything but don't be argumentative, either. Being agreeable means allowing others to have their opinion without it affecting yours. Arguing your point all the time will make the partner feel like they can never do or say the right thing. That's hardly conducive when you don't want divorce in the picture.
So, if you don't want divorce, learn to allow your partner the space to have their own ideas and opinions and do not force yours down their throat. It's okay to have differing opinions and ideas. It's not okay to fight about who's right. What does it really matter who is right, anyway? If you don't want divorce, then learn to accept your partner as having different ideas.
Just because you don't want divorce does not mean you must change the way you think. It just means that you are working to rescue your relationship and anything that antagonizes the situation is out of the question. Keep your opinions, just keep them to yourself.
If you don't want divorce, then altering your ways for the time being will be required at least until the two of you learn how to get along better.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Danny_Walton